Rhemy is getting Married October 2nd, 2010!!!

Tag: infj vs. isfp

Friday, April 16th, 2010

Say “Cheese!”

Almost every girl wants to feel pretty.  Having people follow you around, taking pictures of you, you start to feel GORGEOUS!  You feel like a rock-star, a supermodel,  A PRINCESS!  This was how I felt at mine and Steven’s engagement photo session yesterday evening.

As an INFJ personality, I spent the night before making sure that we had the proper attire.  In fact, I emailed the photographer to verify what we were “supposed to wear” and if we should bring “props.”  As an ISFP personality, Steven laughed at me and said “so what do you want me to wear?”  He knew better than to make fun of my “over-detailing.” :P

On the day of the shoot, Debbie Fisher educated me in make-up.

Debbie Weisberg and her wonderful sister Rose helped fix my hair:

During my “make-over,” Steven (ISFP) while completing other wedding related tasks, shaved.  That’s all…JUST SHAVED!  Understood that he’s a boy, but REALLY?!?!

Anyways, after traffic jams, we arrived at the shoot with our entourage, my sister and Manny (see twitter pics of Baby Sister during the session).  For the next hour and a half we were told where to stand, how to tilt our heads, and “SMILE BIG!”  We jumped off rocks, played in the water, laid out on the grass, and had several eskimo kisses along the way.

By the end of it,  Steven was tired of smiling, I was craving a Big Mac, and the photographers were satisfied with their vault of pictures.  All in all, the experience was wonderful.  Our photographers kept us relaxed, and we spent a nice “date night” walking around the gardens and having it chronicled by professionals.

I couldn’t have asked for a better photography team, and most importantly a better fiance’.  The hour and a half I spent looking at him, I began to once again remember why we’re getting married, and that we are so blessed to have eachother.

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Friday, July 24th, 2009

Dealing with Different Relationship Personalities on Vacation (ISFP vs. INFJ)

Guest Post from Alvion Harris @ http://www.AlvionTV.com/blog

Personality Testing Sign

Personality Testing Sign

I had the pleasure of spending some quality time with our favorite relationship personalities this past week. So in light of their famous pre-marriage relationship posts. I thought I would add my 2 cents to the cause. People think relationship conflicts are the agitation of one party on another. However, when two people learn to communicate effectively the agitation leads to understanding. With major differences in their personalities Steven & Rhemy must be ripe for conflict. Not true! The dynamics work very well especially when absent of certain external pressures. From my perspective there are very few conflicts if time, opportunity cost, and impression are managed correctly.

    Time:

Because our time together was a low-key vacation environment the only time pressure was being with each other and having fun. This usually calms dominate traits and allows relaxation.

    Opportunity Cost:

Life usually requires there to be a trade off. With personalities it usually means one party has to win and another lose. Its why men usually don’t get to play “Baby got back” at the wedding till later in the reception and something more sentimental like “I Will Always Love You” is on repeat the first hours. Opportunity cost is managed by compromise. This where the communication can be most important if either party feels slighted things fall apart. When everyone is onboard from the beginning (they both chose vacation details) then the opportunity cost issue is settled.

    Impression:

The brunt of most relationship conflicts hinges up perception of the lasting impression they are making. Everyone has known each other for years and the need to impress or leave an impression is zero. Its easy to avoid conflicts because past experience assures everything will be okay despite the short-term perception.

    Key Moments Relationship Personalities Showed:
    Rhemy an INFP personality

Without a defined schedule her planning side was satisfied with an agenda of activities to do, but no time constraints for them.

She jumped right into dynamic conversation and expressed herself.

When a decision was being made she expressed options.

    Steven an ISFJ personality

He was game for any activity and took whatever came up in stride.

Once the conversation picked up he fed off that energy and participated.

The decision had to make everyone happy so only that option was acceptable.

My impression is that the success of our time together was a combination of the environment and longevity of knowing each other. In this case it was less about communication because no high consequence decisions had to be made. I find it interesting that these are some of the same key factors for a successful marriage. Everything appears to be going well to until these factors start to work against you. Just my 2 okay maybe 3 cents.

-Alvion Harris
http://www.AlvionTV.com & http://www.AlvionHarris.com Plus on Twitter: Follow me on Twitter

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Thursday, May 7th, 2009

ISFP vs. INFJ

Relationships are made up of two people.  Within those two people are often very different personality traits.  According to Dr. Keirsey, these traits can be broken up into four categories:

How you ACT (Introvert/Extrovert)

How you GATHER INFORMATION (Intuitive/Sensing)

How you MAKE DECISIONS (Thinking/Feeling)

How you EXECUTE (Judging/Perceiving)

At the beginning of our marriage prep course we were asked to take Dr. Keirsey’s Temperament Sorter II.  This is a 70 question test that will ask you to make decisions based on a given situation.  You are only allowed two choices per question, and it is suggested that you answer based on your first instinct.  At the end of the test you are given a score sheet, and this will help you add up your answers, that will provide you with a result.  This result will indicate whether or not you are more of an introvert or extrovert, sensing or intuitive, thinking or feeling, and judging or perceiving.

Throughout the two hours we talked about the differences in each personality trait, and what types of behaviors/decision a person of that trait might reflect.  Many people may be on the fence.  For instance, I am an introvert around people I’m not familiar with.  When I am around people I am comfortable with, I am extremely extroverted.  However, when executing tasks I am an extremely judging personality.  I like lists, schedules, goals, and timeliness.  

Over the course of the evening Steven and I learned more and more about ourselves, while solidifying what we already knew about each other.  Steven is very introverted, likes information to be concrete, but will make the decision based on empathy.  The “perceiving” trait in him indicates that he prefers to “go-with-the-flow.”  He is flexible and see’s lists as guidelines.

I, however, am introverted, and I gather information intuitively.  I run on hunches, and what might feel right.  Like Steven, I base my decisions on the feelings of others.  However, I LOVE lists.  I own a day planner and often stick to it.  “Going-with-the-flow” seems very careless and un-productive to me. 

After learning these traits about each other, we had a better understanding as to why each of us do things.  As you can see, we are NOT the same type of personality.  In one case, we are COMPLETE opposites.  However, its how you communicate and compromise with each others “faults” that you really start to build a relationship.   I would highly suggest that every relationship (brother/sister, friends, couples, etc), consider taking a personality test similar to this and really analyze WHY you get so frustrated, and how to overcome those frustrations. 

In the end, we learned that we are different and that’s frustrating at times, but it’s okay.  That just means HE has to talk to ME more.

Tune in next week for a recap of our session on COMMUNICATION.

Be yourself!  Everyone else is taken. :)

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